With apologies to Carly Simon for co-opting her hit from the 70s, drama in pageantry needs to be addressed.
In any competitive event, there will be drama.
Sports, dance, pageantry, you name it – drama exists. With the internet, that drama is amplified. Whether it’s the anonymous message boards that shall not be named due to their toxicity or public posts on social media platforms, you don’t have to look too far to find it.
Llama, llama, avoid the drama.
As a competitor, titleholder, or pageant parent, steer clear of online drama and interpersonal conflict. Someone talking about you on social media? Ignore it. Don’t like what someone said online? Repeat after me: “not my circus, not my monkeys.” Offended at someone’s joke? For the love of diamond tiaras, do not run to their director and complain.
But that’s my baby they’re talking about!
Most likely they aren’t talking about your contestant/titleholder. Assuming you’re the focus of everyone’s attention is not a good look. Just because you won [Title], doesn’t mean you’re automatically on everyone’s radar. Yes, that title is the most important thing in your life right now. But everyone else? Notsomuch.
They’re bullying my child!
No, Susan, they [most likely] aren’t. Australia’s National Centre Against Bullying (NCAB), defines Bullying as: “an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that intends to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm.” A single unkind comment or less-than-flattering critique is not bullying, even if the delivery is less than perfect.
Be the queen (mum) you are.
This means keeping your mouth closed in public. Especially online. Do not use social media to “vague-book” about perceived slights. Queen Elizabeth doesn’t respond to her detractors and neither should you. As a titleholder or parent of a titleholder, you are now in the spotlight. Everything you say online is going to be scrutinized. The pictures you post, the jokes and memes you share, everything.
If you’re new to the scholarship world, buckle up.
Your state director(s) and staff will be watching you. Your national director(s) will be watching you. If you just won a prestigious state title, understand this: your contestant’s chances at nationals will be diminished if you, the pageant parent, are a source of drama.
Directors don’t change scores but…
They do advise their judging panel to remember the judging criteria – including sportsmanship – and tell them to judge accordingly. Almost every scholarship pageant has a sportsmanship clause that has language to the effect of “bad sportsmanship will lead to disqualification with no refunds given”. Sportsmanship rules apply just as much online as they do at the pageant itself. And they apply not just to the contestant, but everyone in their entourage.
This applies to state queens headed to nationals, too!
If you’ve ever wondered why so-and-so did so poorly at nationals after winning their state pageant, this very well could be a factor. Unless you’re the one being escorted out by security, you’ll never know if this was the cause. Don’t be that person.
No tea, no shade, no pink lemonade.
In many cases, titleholders are minor celebrities. With that celebrity comes “life in a fishbowl”. Your every action, post on social media, or faux pas will be magnified. If you want to have a private life, you need to make your personal life private. Don’t air everything on your socials. Lock them down yesterday. And pageant parents, that includes you as well. As royalty parents, how you represent yourself online reflects on the system your titleholder represents.
Not everyone is your friend.
Don’t be surprised to find your personal inbox with 300 new “friend requests”. Do not accept them. Direct these fans to your official/fan page.
Keep your professional socials professional.
This isn’t the place for you to vent, post questionable pictures, or jokes/memes that may not be appropriate for all ages. It is to document your year of service as [Titleholder]. Keep your content G-rated if you’re under 18. PG-rated for adults. Do not use language that would get you censored on “The Good Place”. You are representing a system and anything that paints that system in a negative light can cause you to lose that title you’ve worked so hard to achieve.
It is rare that organizations will dethrone a queen.
But it is not unheard of. Be a role model, not a cautionary tale! If you’re new to the pageant world and need help navigating social media as a titleholder, slide into our DMs and we can help!