I’ve played Fairy Godmother when it comes to gowns more than once and I’ve even been known to paraphrase her famous quote: ” You can’t go to the ball looking like that!” Think of me as your personal Fairy Godmother when it comes to Formal Wear. You may not be going to a ball to meet Prince Charming, but you are going to be escorted and presented on stage to the judges in a beautiful gown, so it’s kind of the same thing. This is going to be a VLP (very long post), so make a cup of tea, grab a scone and head on back when you are ready.
One thing most pageants have in common for as far back as anyone can remember is that the Formal Wear competition involves a beautiful long gown. While NAM has loosened up the rules and allows a gown of any length as long as it is age-appropriate, I will be blunt: wear a long gown. Full stop. Again, NO POINTS LEFT BEHIND.
If it looks like I’m yelling, I kind of am. Here’s why: you are spending good money that you worked hard to get (either by sponsorships, saving up, etc). If you do not “come correct” you are essentially giving a donation to the pageant. You do not have to spend the amount of a small country’s GDP to get a decent pageant dress. My daughter won a national title in a $40 dress from Zulilly that I altered to fit her.
There will be people who will tell you that the dress you found at the department store that is appropriate for the 6th grade spring fling is also appropriate for a pageant “as long as she likes it”. That’s nonsense. And your scores will back me up.
Not only will your scores reflect the inappropriateness of a short dress, your contestant will most likely be the only one wearing a short dress. If you want to help build confidence, the last thing you want to do is show up ill-prepared and be the “odd man out”. Been there, done that, have the “thank you for your donation” trophies (plural!!!) to prove it.
But wait! Didn’t the magazine say…? Yes, it did. The reason why any length is permitted is to let people know that points will not be deducted for a dress that is not exactly a specific length. NAM doesn’t do “deductions” per se. However, if there are two girls who are equally eloquent and one is more poised, polished, and “packaged” (more on that elsewhere), guess who will score better?
In the younger divisions, especially the Princess division, there is a lot more leeway given for dresses. Long gowns are difficult for the littles to navigate in! They get it. So that’s another reason why “any length, any style” is permitted. You can definitely be a 4 year old and wear a “Sunday Best” and do well. Not so much if you are 14. Again, age-appropriate.
While we are on the topic of age-appropriate… What you would wear clubbing is never – and I do mean NEVER – appropriate for NAM Formal Wear. Do not ask me how I know this. No one ever lost a spot in the Top 5 for being more covered up!
Some tips:
- For littles, I strongly advise against trains. I would suggest at most a tiny sweep for Princesses and Jr. Pre-Teens. Sweeps and trains should be reserved for older girls with experience walking in and avoiding others wearing them! I’ve seen way too many little one’s dresses get stepped on accidentally. Even in Pre-Teen it’s a hard sell for me because I’ve witnessed my daughter’s skirt be trod upon by the girl directly behind her. Whether or not is was malicious, I can’t say. What I can say is that her outfit was damaged by it and it caused my daughter to have to hold the skirt together on stage after the stitching had been ripped loose.
- I would very much suggest avoiding strapless dresses in Pre-Teen. Even a spaghetti strap is better than strapless.
- Make sure you cover any “sheer” flesh-toned sections or fix low cut areas with a modesty panel the same color as the dress in Pre-Teen and Jr. Teen.
- Teens can go a little more bare, but NAM is still quite conservative. You can take a risk with a color, but don’t also take a risk in cut. Choose one or the other.
- Less is more when it comes to jewelry. NO is always the right answer for bracelets and necklaces. If everyone’s attention is drawn to the statement piece around your neck, they won’t be looking at anything else.
- Remember that the judges will be sitting BELOW YOU by a LOT. That cute twirly skirt you fell in love with at Dillard’s just gave the judges a peep show when you walked by and spun around. If you were wearing a long dress, that wouldn’t have happened!
- NO CAPES! Err… I meant no gloves, hats, parasols, etc. Capes are perfectly fine if they are tastefully done. After all, you’re not fighting crime. However, the other accessories mentioned will only distract from your presentation on stage.
- Note about capes, drapes, wings, overskirts, trains, etc: Tyra Banks has always exhorted her models-to-be on America’s Next Top Model, to create the wind when [they] walk. That means you do not play with, yank at, or otherwise flap your skirts. You are not a bird about to take flight. Leave your skirt alone unless you absolutely need to gracefully move it out of the way!
All that may seem incredibly picky (see what I did there?), however I want you to succeed and have a great experience! Learn from mine and others’ mistakes. It will save you money and upset later on.
This was our dress our first year. There are so many things wrong with this that it’s sad. Dress is 6″ too long, wrong shoes, too much jewelry, too much “hairdo”, wrong style of dress for my daughter… This list goes on and on.
Choices…
As a parent of three teenagers, I’ve learned that little kids can fall in love with something even if it’s what my own mother called “controlled choices”. Children do not do well with too many (or inappropriate) choices on the table. When looking for your perfect dress, keeping in mind everything I’ve said so far, it is possible for your daughter to “fall in love” with the right dress, not just whatever she sees first that she likes. Her favorite color in general might look horrible ON her, for instance.
My suggestion before ever stepping foot in a dress shop, is to go to a fabric shop! Have her stand in the formal fabric aisle and wrap the solid colored satin around her neck and take pictures. Do this with all the colors! Stay away from dark, somber colors like black, navy, etc for littles. Brights and pastels generally work best on stage for all ages, however older girls can venture into gemstone colors like emerald, sapphire, ruby, etc. Once you get your pictures, put the fabric back where you found it and go home. Take your time swiping left and right comparing the different colors on your contestant. You will see her skin-tone change based on which colors she has on. Choose colors that make her look alive and perky, not washed out and tired. From there, with your top 3 color choices (no more than 3!!!), then you can go dress shopping. Find a dress shop near you if possible so you can try on different styles in your chosen colors. Make sure your contestant knows the following:
- You aren’t buying anything TODAY.
- You are only trying for style/size purposes.
- Make sure to let the sales staff know that this is your plan. Many times they are on commission and will try and get you to buy right away. It’s OK to say “Thanks, but we’re really on a fact-finding mission right now”. I promise!
You may find the perfect dress or not. As long as you and your contestant know you aren’t buying today, there is no pressure to find a dress and buy something immediately only to find out later it’s just not the right dress after all and now you are stuck with it. Take pictures of her in the dresses so that you can evaluate which style works best on her body. Not every body type is the same. Some girls have longer torsos, some have longer legs. The reason why you are trying on only is so you can get a feel for what is right for your contestant. Don’t just go from stock photos! Make sure you get front AND back photos. Additionally, make sure your contestant’s hair is pulled away from her face/neck so you can see all the details of the dress in the photos. Take pictures from slightly below (the angle from which judges would see it) to get a better idea of what it will look like on stage.
Once you’ve accomplished your fact-finding mission, go home and sleep on it! Never, ever, ever make a decision right away, especially if this is your first time! If you have a “feeling” about a certain dress, by all means, ask the shop to hold for 24 hours. If you end up sleeping on it and decide it’s not the right dress, be courteous and call them back to let them know. If you have a coach, I would definitely pass along the results of your fact-finding mission to them ASAP.
Fit is EVERYTHING
Again, no points left behind!!! You will hear this from me so many times. It’s because I love you and want the best for you. Make sure your chosen dress fits your contestant flawlessly:
- If you have to order your dress in or purchase pre-owned, go by the designer’s measurement charts and have your child measured properly. DO NOT under any circumstances use her street clothing size. If her correct size means the dress will be too long, then have it altered to raise the hem. If it means the dress will be the right length, but too wide in the bodice have it altered down to fit. There are ways to do this that allow the dress to be let out later on.
- Make sure straps aren’t too loose or too tight or that bodice is tightly fitted for strapless dresses.
- Skirt should be hemmed to glide on a smooth floor not carpet. Trust me when I say this can be a total game changer for a dress!!!
- Shoes should never be seen when the dress is standing still. Nude shoes are always the right answer. Metallics that coordinate with the dress will work as well. Do not do what I did and dye them to match. That’s an 80s thing and they don’t do that anymore!
- Crinoline petticoat NOT a hoop skirt under the gown if needed. Crinolines are scratchy material that fluffs out the skirt. Hoops bob around more than Mohammed Ali in the boxing ring when worn on stage. The only time a hoop skirt is appropriate is for Civil War era re-enactments.
- Get alterations done no more than 2 weeks before the event and tell the seamstress not to cut the fabric anywhere unless it is strictly necessary! This is important because it allows you to either let it out and keep using or to resell it and recoup more of your investment.
I know this is a lot to digest, so please bookmark this page in case you need to reference it again. I love you all and want you to do well at your state and nationals!